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Nov. 14th, 2005 @ 12:01 pm French Cuffs
My advice to all of the men reading this - wear dress shirts with french cuffs as often as possible. I don't mean untucked, with a pair of jeans either - that just makes you look like a refugee from a wedding party or a gay waiter on a bender...I mean with suits...and some nice cuff links too. Silk knots are fine, but a pair of silver or gold links really makes the grade.

As an experiment, try dressing this way once a week. I think you'll notice two things - one, you are more confident on the days you are dressed more formally and two, people treat you with more respect. Think of Mr. Wolf in Pulp Fiction. Isn't that who you want to be? The guy who is always in control of the situation, no matter how f'd up? It all starts with a good shave, a tasteful cologne...and a crisp dress shirt.

Here's a good price on a decent dress shirt: http://www.sierratradingpost.com/product.asp?base_no=33047&special_type=&dept_id=&mscssid=80E8E685C7B849F888CAE4816A54ECC4

Or this: http://www.josbank.com/JAB_Partner.process?Section_Id=9040&Product_Id=306764&p_Id=1&link_Id=2&afsrc=1

Otherwise, if you are a near a Brooks Brothers outlet store, you can find them there for under thirty bucks.

I've never paid more than that for a shirt, and if you do, you might need to talk to a therapist to answer rather troubling questions that we won't go into here. I'm not talking about blowing your beer budget on designer clothes - just spending what you've got wisely.

So do yourself a favor and rock out in some French cuffs - you'll feel like James Bond, and your special lady will treat you like the millionaire you know, deep down, you really are.
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elvis
Nov. 5th, 2005 @ 01:09 pm Holiday in the Sun
We're back from an unplanned vacation. On the spur of the moment we took the kids down to Panama City Beach for a week of sand castles, collecting sea shells and adult beverages. And seafood of course.

A wide assortment of God's creatures met us there...our condo was fifty feet from the waters of the Gulf - manta rays by the dozens, a bald eagle soared past the balcony, dolphins, and best of all, when I was chest deep in the salty drink with my son, a shark the size of a station wagon popped up yards away from us.

The kids had the time of their life and my daughter is already asking to go back to the beach!

It was a much needed respite from work. We're off to the mountains in a few weeks for our NEXT holiday. I had to turn down being part of a VIP tour of a military base, but there'll be time to be a big shot later. Looks like my career is starting to "take off" - although where it will take us, I don't know. My charming personality and movie star looks can't be the reason, but it seems that the power elite has taken a shine to this carpet bagger, so maybe I'll be the next Dan Quayle. Time to practice that golf swing.
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elvis
Sep. 9th, 2005 @ 10:53 am New Orleans
Well, thanks be to God that we moved back to Atlanta.

My office building, which sat right on the lake, had the roof ripped off and filled up like a glass of nasty, putrid water.

The house we would have bought is under the lake's new footprint.

About the looting and lack of competent local and state government - you are surprised, why?

Nothing about this was a surprise. Everyone knew it would happen one day - and the they had more than a few days of warning. The Feds might have taken over faster, since LA and NOLA are run by complete scoundrels and idiots, but apparently they were worried about how it would look if a Republican man took the power away from a Democratic woman - even though she is apparently better suited to running a Tupperware party than a state and National Guard...

Even if the stupid mayor would have followed his own plan and sent more busses around, it wouldn't have mattered since a lot of people (the chronically jobless chief among them) are just plain too stupid or high to evacuate. They would have had to evacuate by force, since people were more worried about leaving their playstations, large screen TVs, closets full of Nikes and welfare checks behind.

At least they are getting 2k debit cards so they can buy all that crap back again. Meanwhile I make more than three average middle class households and I can't afford ANYTHING. How does that work? I guess they aren't investing hundreds of dollars a week in diverse international holdings and going to grad school...

Plus, a LOT of them had warrants - and they didn't want to get nabbed. A lot of them just plain did not trust their government for providing them with safety - who can blame them - the city of New Orleans has already had almost 200 murders since the begining of the year. Public safety is a foreign concept in the Big Easy.

Anyway, I'm bringing as many of my employees up from the Coast to work for me here. My wife's family moved some refugees into a rental home. It sounds like every other American is doing their part too. We'll get through it.
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elvis
Aug. 15th, 2005 @ 05:24 pm checking in
Current Mood: productive
I'm thinking of picking up an MBA.

I don't want to go broke on it, so I think I'll steer clear of HBS, (no offense to my sister) Wharton, Duke, etc. I don't need to buy connections, just learn some of the basics of leadership, now that I'm on the other side of the labor/management equation.

My employers pay for half of the degree, so I can probably find a solid, no-nonsense program for the price of a crappy car.

And on that subject, I don't need my lil' hatchback anymore, since I'm getting a company sedan (not that I even drive anywhere, I work most days, reclining on a couch, wearing the PJs I slept in the night before - how's that for a visual) - so if anyone is in the market for one, I'll let it go cheap.
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type
Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 03:59 pm Twister
Current Mood: giddy
It sure would be nice if we could get a break from the non-stop thunderstorms, tornados and plague of insects...

I spent the better part of last weekend chain-sawing and hauling off the tree limbs which an F2 dumped on my roof. It did slightly more damage down the road at the Atlanta Motor Speedway. 40 million dollars more.

Now we've got large ants eating through the wall and making their home in our King bed...so that'll be an all out war. Which I must win.

Tomorrow will be fun too...I get to start the process of firing a few slackers. Well, they can pull their asses out of the sling by actually WORKING, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

That ought to send the message that, like it or not, I am the new boss.
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elvis
May. 5th, 2005 @ 04:19 pm American Me
I was up in DC for the past few days going through the nightmare which will bring my adventure in upper-management to a close - I won't even get into it here - suffice to say it was dysfunctional and scary - like that show with Donald Trump, except with four letter words and a plotline a French film-maker couldn't follow - and happening to me - I am returning to "the field," except this time I got to name my bloated salary (3 times what I started out at), kick ass benefits, and I get a car. A nice car.

That was actually sort of fun....turning down their first offer - which was more than I ever imagined making in my life, but which now seems like the kind of money losers think is a lot of money.

Next I have to fly to Chi-town - maybe see a ballgame while I'm there.

I'm starting to get REALLY sick of airplanes. It's like a bus with gay waiters and ear aches. Now wonder they are all going broke.
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elvis
Apr. 11th, 2005 @ 08:01 am Clueless
Greetings to the three or four people who read this:

In my line of work, there are a lot of folks with delusions of grandeur - who think they are the reincarnation of Eliot Ness or Bat Masterson. One of the portly chicas in police academy (who went on to be fired in as part of a scandal which made the "weird news" section of your local paper) claimed that she was a former NYPD sniper - and when it came time to shoot - she shot everything but the target, even when it was three feet from her face. Then you get all of the litlle Napoleons who think they have the most important job and are the most important person of anyone on earth.

I've got the reverse problem - I just can't be convinced that anything that I am doing for a paycheck is that big of a deal. (Or else I'd be working on my projects instead of typing this) I was never much of a Seinfeld fan, but the past few weeks have felt like a Southern version of that show. I have been assigned four different tasks, in which I am overseeing that thousands and thousands of federal investigations are completed by a deadline. But I have been given very vague instructions about how to do so. I think I'm supposed to "run stats" and use some program called "Excel" to create "spreadsheets."

The problem is, I am an investigator - a human lie detector - not a computer scientist. When I went to college, all we had in our computer room were amber screens, and before I could start typing my term papers, an (invariably) Asian graduate student had to come over and punch in several lines of code before I could get started - and when I wanted my report printed out - they had to undertake an operation that took several furtive minutes, running between the computer and a printer the size of a washing machine.

Anyway - I am supposed to fill out some of these "spreadsheets" before 10AM (it's 9:30 now) and I don't even know how to "cut and paste." How did I get in this pickle?

I'm halfway through the employment process for my county's lil' Sheriff's Office - which wouldn't pay anywhere near as much (to start) - but at least I'd know what I was doing again and I wouldn't be asked to move across country one month, and asked to abort and return a few months later. The four hour, round trip commute to a job which seems to involve nothing but being hunkered over a cramped keyboard, using computer programs everyone knows how to use but me, is too stressful.

Maybe I'm a mental case, but facing down a coked up 6'3" scumbag doesn't get me as flustered as the prospect of doing this crap for the rest of my life - for some reason, nothing pisses me off like computers, although really long numbers come close. And that's all I am dealing with now...all buzzes and clicks.
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elvis
Apr. 8th, 2005 @ 12:42 pm Bon Voyage JP II
We lost a Pope, but we have gained a Saint - a strong ally in heaven, who can now do more for us than ever before. The fall of Communism in Eastern Europe and the renewed commitment to Life are examples of how God worked through his servant, John Paul II. If you think John Paul II is resting now, reclining on a cloud, you don't know the man! I am sure that he is working harder than ever before to help the people he loves so much. I imagine the Saints of old, Peter, Paul...Benedict, Francis, Claire, Agnes...are all telling him "Hey new guy...slow down!"
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elvis
Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 01:50 pm Almost Famous
http://bandtoband.com/index.php?Page=Search&ArtistId=6808

My teen-age, after-school hobby is still of interest to some amateur rock'n'roll historians.

Next up: A website devoted to my Lego and Lincoln Logs designs?

Anyway, it's a fun website...illustrating that there are only so many people in the world who can play guitar, drums, or bass well enough to make a record that people may or may not buy.

Today's major accomplishment was finding gas for $1.99 a gallon! (Ingles, Salem Rd, Covington, GA) At these prices, I wonder if I can just pour Gentleman Jack or large bottles of Channel No. 5 in my tank. I may need to rethink the whole car thing. Public transportation is a sick joke, so maybe a horse drawn wagon?
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elvis
Mar. 10th, 2005 @ 02:30 pm New School for Social Retards
March 10, 2005


President Bob Kerrey
New School University
66 West 12th Street
NY, NY 10011



Dear Sir:

I am writing to express my disappointment in the New School’s decision to host Lynne Stewart in the recent rally which supported this convicted terror enabler, along with convicted cop killer, Mumia Abu-Jamal, and the new darling of the blame America club, Ward Churchill. As a graduate of Eugene Lang College (’91) and a law enforcement officer I am saddened that the administration would allow such a misguided event.

When I attended the New School, my conservative, Catholic opinions were in the minority, but I enjoyed learning about other perspectives and the lively debates that ensued between those with diverse views. The difference between then and now seems to be that my liberal classmates and teachers were mostly thoughtful, insightful people who did not hate America or knowingly throw their support behind thugs, violent criminals and their ilk. As an alumnus, I am embarrassed.

Since I don’t make much money carrying a badge, and don’t send in big donations to the alumni fund, I am sure my views won’t carry much weight. But because I carry a badge and my family lost friends in the World Trade Center on 9/11, I just wanted someone at my old school to know that there was nothing courageous, or avant-garde about this event. By all news accounts, it was nothing short of a hate-fest and it was beneath contempt.
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elvis
Feb. 27th, 2005 @ 09:30 pm Commies Ain't Cool
Isn't that an adorable outfit Carlos Santana has on at these Hollywood awards tonight? A Che Guevera shirt and a commie red star on his black beret. How come that's acceptable? If some celebrity went on the show with a Hitler shirt and a Swastika there would be hell to pay...well look at that little Prince and the trouble he got into over yonder...

...just more proof that these "artists" are completely out of touch with reality.
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type
Feb. 25th, 2005 @ 09:49 am (no subject)
Old Dr. Thompson blew his brains out. His family seem fine with it. He seemed like a controlling kind of guy; Probably had them all signed on for this last, stupid happening for some time.

I was REALLY into Hunter Thompson when I was younger. By younger, I mean seventh and eighth grade. An old friend from school (who as an adult, is a journalist) and I imagined ourselves the protagonists in his wild adventures, which we read over and over like kids nowadays read Harry Potter. We ingested something we shouldn't have, and prowled the gilded cage that was the new Crossgates Mall in Guilderland, NY. We made notes and sketches of the scene there. Bob, making entries in his illegible handwriting and me drawing hideous drawings in the style of Hunter's long suffering sidekick, Ralph Stedman, famous to most for his later artwork on Pink Floyd's The Wall.

I even took to dressing like Hunter Thompson: the same shorts, the same shirts and the ever present Tilly hat. How many kids can claim that bit of obsessive stupidity?

In a few years, we would move on to punk rock. More of the same really, just more kids doing it.

I had the chance to meet Hunter Thompson in college, during the elections that dumped the first Bush into office. Hunter was on stage at a NYC nightclub, supposed to be providing commentary while the election results were reported. He was very late - the manager of the club, a "non-traditional" student at my college, who had comped me, asked if I would help retrieve a wild, drugged out Dr. Thompson from his hotel room. It was reported that he was still clad only in underwear and was threatening to kill anyone who closed in on him. I declined the offer.

When he finally arrived, he spent a few hours lurking about the stage, accepting and putting to use the offerings of illegal substances thrown from the audience. It was a pretty dull affair. Afterwards, I was asked again if I wanted to meet Dr. Thompson. Again, I declined. I suppose I really had burned out on him before turning 14, much as children now tire of certain stomach baring pop stars and boy bands.

That night I went on a Hunter Thompson like adventure, led by a classmate who would soon be dead from cancer (unbeknownst to me at the time). It was a stupid, childish adventure, which I may recount some other time. Basically, I saw how pathetic it is when people engage in the politics of absolutism and purism, imagining their elected (not by them) leaders cruel, evil demigods who must be opposed at every turn with blind fury. Or put more simply, when they trust their own emotions over hard fact. And then lose election after election.

Democrats of all stripes feel this way towards Bush, and it hasn't helped them keep pace with reality - or be active participants in the processes of our Republic. Howard Dean's regrettable statements, such as he "hates Republicans and all they stand for" have more in common with Islamofacists chanting "death to America" than they do to the statements of the great leaders his party once produced.

Among the elephants, if disdain and rhetoric for Madame Clinton continues to decline to such levels, it will only help her. If they (and I include myself among them) wish to rid the country of her leadership, of whatever her creepy brand of ambition might be, they should engage her only on issues, and not recap all of the "Billary" (or lesbian) slurs from the past decade. Once was enough. If the far-left think she's really that much of a thorn-in-the-side of conservatives, they will overlook her posing as a moderate, sometimes a hawk, and will throw their sorry lot in with her. When she talks about leaving the troops in Iraq, conservatives should embrace her and salute her. That'll be poison to her among the ranks of Indymedia, Democratic Underground as well as the thousands of closet Ward Churchills who teach our children.

Making light of her claims of a "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy" are however, fair game. Karl Rove couldn't have planted a dumber bit of drivel in her mouth. Nor could Bill, apparently.

Yuck.
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elvis
Feb. 12th, 2005 @ 11:26 pm Natchez to New Orleans, Livin' on Jacks and Queens
For the past few months we have been living in Atlanta and New Orleans. If you know me, you know why - if not - it doesn't concern you.

Suffice to say, it's a major pain in the ass and I'm glad I'm not paying for it.

I prefer the laid-back lifestyle in Louisiana to Atlanta - the driving is so much easier - My daily commute is over a 24 mile long bridge - it's so relaxing, watching pelicans catch fish and seeing sailboats in the distance - sure beats looking at the same exit sign for forty minutes, stuck in Atlanta traffic...the people are nicer in Louisiana - seafood is plentiful and you can still get grits at breakfast.

We were back in Atlanta during Mardi Gras - which, I am informed, makes us genuine New Orleans residents. If I want to see drunk girls flashing their goods, I'll pay for it at a nice, clean strip club, rather than stand in a crowded, urine-filled gutter.

From what I am told, for every nubile, twenty-something lifting up her blouse, there are fifty sagging, decrepit women doing the same. No thanks - My eyes aren't trashcans!

Anyway, Mardi Gras is supposed to be for the young'uns - and mine like the beads, king cake and other silliness.

Beer is cheap here too. Rolling Rock is just over four dollars a six pack. I must have been loaded today, because I had a wacky hallucination that the DNC made Howard Dean their chairman. Is there an evil plan afoot to cause the Democrats to self-destruct so we can have a one-party country and turn into the USSR?

Howard is entertaining sometimes, but he's just not a serious politician. He's supposed to be a "fiscal conservative" because he balanced the budget of Vermont when they were in the hole 60 million dollars? Big deal. My wife made her old company exactly that much money with one deal. Many big-city school districts have deficits worse than that. I work with bigger numbers than that with my budgets.

Anyway, balancing the budget by taxing the heck out of people is not "conservative" by any definition. And why is it that Democrats - even wild-eyed leftwing ones like Dean, feel the need to try to pass themselves off as conservatives? Like Madame Clinton "respecting" those who are anti-abortion and saying she has always been a woman of prayer...

...is it because they can never win an election outside of metropolitan areas which have scared off every money-earning, sensible person concerned with their family's safety and well-being?

Well, the Dems could have picked the African-American ex-mayor of Denver, who would have delivered minority and possibly Western votes - but they picked a guy who will be sure not to alienate the university professors, librarians, and public school teachers who make this country great.

A great day for purists and day dreamers, but a bad one for the two-party system.

I doubt Dean will last 24 months - when Democrats lose big in the 2006 midterms - the DNC will have to wake up to reality. But then again, when's the last time we had a Whig in office?
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elvis
Nov. 10th, 2004 @ 10:51 am Hope is on the way
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: nothing that won a CMA award
Huh, I haven't updated this damn thing in awhile. Lots has happened in my life, but if I know you personally, you already know about most of it, so no need to recap it here.

What a week in the news - Arafat is on his way to eternal damnation. Funny that after all the kids he sent to their deaths, he's been on life-support. Since he was dying of AIDS or a "mystery illness" as the homophobic Palis call it, and knew it, why didn't he strap on a bomb himself? What a bunch of gutless, cowards the PLO leadership are.

And now every liberal's favorite country, France is engaging in genocide (again) in the Ivory Coast. While the US troops expose themselves to greater risk in order to protect against civilian casualties, France opens fire on civilains...what a great country. Did France ask the UN for permission before attacking their colony? Who is the imperialist now?

And in Holland - citizens are bombing Muslim schools and Mosques in response to the killing of a Dutch film maker by Muslims. And in the country the whole world supposedly hates, how many Mosques were bombed by us after 9/11? That's right, none.
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type
May. 25th, 2004 @ 10:43 am Yellow Skies
Our County...all the way to North Carolina...is under a haze of yellow smoke of consumed chlorine. They evacuated the city...but I think we're just far south enough to be okay. No, it's not a terror attack, as far as we know, but a chemical warehouse on fire. As a former first responder, I know that deadly, toxic smoke can be dangerous!

Leaving the house is not an option, so I'll scrap my plans for the day. I should try to do some work here, bang away on the laptop...but I think I'll play guitar and eat some fried chicken instead.

Baby #2 should be making his grand entrance to the world anytime now...anytime...come on kid!!! Move it!!!
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elvis
May. 23rd, 2004 @ 09:54 pm Female Ejaculation
I was just having a discussion with the missus about the controversial subject of "female ejaculation." Note the sneer quotes, as I am of the opinion that there is no such thing. That is to say, that women, unless their DNA is mucked-up, cannot ejaculate, and that they are actually urinating.

Now, it is true that the g-spot was long thought by experts to be a myth, and sexologists of yore once doubted the existence of the female orgasm. But advances in science being what they have been, the sex-perts, as Cosmo calls them, have weighed in, and declared the case closed - nothing more than penis envy, or a sick lady-boy/golden showers fetish...

Now this moist and sundry topic did not spontaneously enter our evenings discourse, but rather came up after checking my yahoo mail account...and reading the heading of a piece of electronic mail from Eastern Europe (as XXX mail from the States must have a "Sexually Explicit" warning) - "Babes squirt hot liquid when the c um."

How odd that the former Soviet super computers that once menaced us with their potential to rain down nuclear death, now assault us with spam.

Farm Girls spurt girl juice when they get p enis! Duck and cover!!!
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elvis
May. 21st, 2004 @ 05:28 pm Aw rats!
The cats left a tribute worthy of their master...a beheaded rat of considerable size. They would be horrified to know that rather that eating it's fly swarmed corpse, I shoveled it up (with my infamous rat killin' shovel)from the doorway and disposed of it in a shallow grave.

Still, the gesture was much appreciated. Keep up the good work.
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elvis
May. 19th, 2004 @ 09:21 pm I am an 80's Rock God
Boy! You know you're immortal when the band you were in when you were eighteen years old has it's own GUITAR TAB page on the web!


http://members.fortunecity.com/youthoftoday/hctabs/lifesblood/

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COUNTING ON - Life's Blood
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By: DJOLE fatdjole@ptt.yu

Pre-verse/Chorus Verse
E|----------|--------------------------------|--------------------------------|
B|----------|--------------------------(x4)--|--------------------------------|
G|--10-8-7--|--5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--8-7--------|--5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--8-7--------|
D|--10-8-7--|--5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--6-5--------|--5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--6-5--------|
A|--8--6-5--|--3-5-5-3-5-5-3-5-5-------------|--3-5-5-3-5-5-3-5-5-------------|
E|----------|--------------------------------|--------------------------------|

E|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
B|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
G|--5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--10-8---5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--8---5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--10-8--|
D|--5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--10-8---5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--6---5-7-7-5-7-7-5-7-7--10-8--|
A|--3-5-5-3-5-5-3-5-5--8--6---3-5-5-3-5-5-3-5-5------3-5-5-3-5-5-3-5-5--8--6--|
E|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|

Repeat Chorus/Verse

Bridge 1 Break Bridge 2
E|-----------------|------------------------------------------|------------------|
B|-----------------|------------------------------------(x )--|------------------|
G|--10-8--10-8--7--|--7-7-7--7-7-7--8-8-8--7-7-7--10-8--------|--7--7--7-7-7-----|
D|--10-8--10-8--7--|--7-7-7--5-5-5--8-8-8--7-7-7--10-8--------|--7--7--7-7-7-----|
A|--8--6--8--6--5--|--5-5-5---------6-6-6--5-5-5--8--6--------|--5--5--5-5-5-----|
E|-----------------|------------------------------------------|------------------|

Repeat Break/Chorus/Verse/Bridge 1

===============================================================================
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elvis
May. 14th, 2004 @ 03:39 pm Garage Sale
My next-door neighbor is moving away, so she had a garage sale today. I took a few things off her hands, as she was selling most stuff for fifty cents. Perhaps I'll go over there later and buy EVERYTHING that's left over and mail it off to my mother.

My mother has a habit of sending enormous boxes full of random objects picked up from goodwill-type shops. A gold-coffee filter that doesn't fit in either of our coffee makers...a hideous 1950's lamp with ghastly blue ducks forming the base, and creepy pink and blue children on the paper shade...odd, indescribably framed, amateur art.

For the price of lunch at McDonalds I picked up:

A croquet set.

A badmitton set, never used, with eight extra raquettes.

A straw cowboy hat, made in mexico.

A vintage, camo John Deere trucker cap.

A Sharper Image brand motorized tie rack, sealed in the box.

A vintage shoe-shine box, full of polish, some tins which are older than me, brushes and buffing rags.

...think I'll install the tie rack now...see if it lives up to the hype! It has to be better than my current system...angrily throwing ties into the closet after I rip them off my neck at the end of the day.

"Get..it...offfffff!"
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elvis
May. 11th, 2004 @ 09:42 pm Fuck You Al-Queda
Here's to Nick Berg, a fellow government contractor, and a better man that most. In honor of Mr. Berg, I am going to produce double the amount of work I normally do this week. I'd rather go fishing on Friday, but I'll close a few more cases and make some more bucks too. A small gesture on my part to protect our National Security and in the process extend a middle finger and a pork sandwich towards the filthy jackoffs who get a laugh out of chopping off another human beings head. What a wonderful religion and culture those folks have. It's a shame it'll be completely wiped out by the mid 21st Century. I mean, another 9/11 and you know we're dropping more than daisy cutters.

I think I'll pass on watching the video these animals made of the murder. I'm pissed off enough as it is.

Time to catch a few Zzzzzs...I'll update again sometime this month...
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elvis